Keep your clauses orderly (even in the footnotes!)

Original

These amounts represent the amounts earned for performance under Acme’s AIP or the Acme Performance Incentive Plan, in the case of Ms. Smith, during 2017 and paid in February 2018.

****

These amounts represent the aggregate grant date fair value of these awards computed in accordance with FASB ASC Topic 718. With respect to the matching RSUs described in footnote (6), the grant date fair value was calculated using the closing price of Acme’s common stock on the date of grant. With respect to the RSUs described in footnote (4) that may be earned depending on Acme’s relative TSR, under FASB ASC Topic 718 the total grant date fair value of these RSUs remains the same whether the maximum, target, or below target number of RSUs is earned. With respect to the RSUs described in footnote (5) that are subject to a one-year operating performance goal, the RSUs will all become subject to service-based vesting if the goal is satisfied, and will otherwise be forfeited in full. [136 words]

Original, with commentary

These amounts represent the amounts earned for performance under Acme’s AIP or the Acme Performance Incentive Plan, in the case of Ms. Smith, during 2017 and paid in February 2018. [The placement of “in the case of Ms. Smith” makes it look like she could have gotten performance awards under either plan. This is incorrect. The sentence was intended to explain that all the NEOs except Ms. Smith got awards under the AIP, while she got awards under the Performance Incentive Plan.]

These amounts represent the aggregate grant date fair value of these awards computed in accordance with FASB ASC Topic 718. With respect to the matching RSUs described in footnote (6), the grant date fair value was calculated using the closing price of Acme’s common stock on the date of grant. With respect to the RSUs described in footnote (4) that may be earned depending on Acme’s relative TSR, under FASB ASC Topic 718 [the lead-in sentence to the footnote makes this clause superfluous] the total grant date fair value of these RSUs remains the same whether the maximum, target, or below target number of RSUs is earned. With respect to the RSUs described in footnote (5) that are subject to a one-year operating performance goal, the RSUs will all become subject to service-based vesting if the goal is satisfied, and will otherwise be forfeited in full. [All three “with respect to” clauses can be eliminated by rearranging the sentences. The resulting sentences will be both shorter and clearer.]

Rewritten

These amounts represent the amounts earned for performance under Acme’s AIP, or in the case of Ms. Smith, under the Acme Performance Incentive Plan, during 2017 and paid in February 2018.

These amounts represent the aggregate grant date fair value of these awards computed in accordance with FASB ASC Topic 718. The grant date fair value of the matching RSUs described in footnote (6) was calculated using the closing price of Acme’s common stock on the date of grant. The total grant date fair value of the RSUs described in footnote (4), which may be earned depending on Acme’s relative TSR, remains the same whether the maximum, target, or below target number of RSUs is earned. The RSUs described in footnote (5), which are conditioned on a one-year operating performance goal, will all become subject to service-based vesting if the goal is satisfied, and will otherwise be forfeited in full. [119 words]