Use bullets; avoid repetition

Before

We are a leading global reinsurer, providing multi-line reinsurance to insurance companies. We are an economic entity that exists to take risk and earn an adequate return on the capital that shareholders provide. Three principles drive our behavior. First, we sell a product of value to selected insurance and capital markets clients backed by our financial ability to meet our commitments. Second, we deliver an adequate return on the shareholders’ capital to compensate them for the risk that we assume on their behalf. Third, we aspire to be a well-managed company through our sound governance practices and processes and our commitment to provide a challenging work environment where employees can both develop their careers and be appropriately rewarded for their performance.

Executives and employees with the skills to assess, value and manage risk are critical to the creation of shareholder value. We seek to establish compensation policies which both further the rights of the shareholders to receive an adequate risk adjusted return and the expectation of employees to be adequately compensated for their ability to create value.

(177 words)

Before, with commentary

We are a leading global reinsurer, providing multi-line reinsurance to insurance companies. We are an economic entity that exists to take risk and earn an adequate return on the capital that shareholders provide. [This seems both stilted and obvious.] Three principles drive our behavior. [This is a great way to set up the reader for the discussion to follow. However, the three principles would stand out more if they were isolated into bullet points.] First, we sell a product of value to selected insurance and capital markets clients backed by our financial ability to meet our commitments. Second, we deliver an adequate return on the shareholders’ capital to compensate them for the risk that we assume on their behalf. Third, we aspire to be a well-managed company through our sound governance practices and processes and our commitment to provide a challenging work environment where employees can both develop their careers and be appropriately rewarded for their performance.

Executives and employees with the skills to assess, value and manage risk are critical to the creation of shareholder value. We seek to establish compensation policies which both further the rights of the shareholders to receive an adequate risk adjusted return and the expectation of employees to be adequately compensated for their ability to create value. [Some of this is repetitive. We can make the whole passage shorter, without losing any useful content, by merging a few sentences.]

After

ABC Co. is a leading global reinsurer, providing multi-line reinsurance to insurance companies. Since the purpose of our business is to assume risk, executives and employees with the skills to assess, value, and manage risk are critical to the creation of shareholder value.

Three principles drive our behavior and inform our compensation policies. We are committed to:
• Selling a product of value to selected insurance and capital markets clients, backed by our financial ability to meet our commitments;
• Delivering an adequate return on the shareholders’ capital to compensate them for the risk we assume on their behalf; and
• Remaining a well-managed company that follows sound governance practices and provides a challenging work environment where employees can develop their careers and be appropriately rewarded for their performance.

(129 words)